For as long as some of us could remember, we dreamed of the perfect wedding. For others, somewhere down the road, we began to desire it. Lastly, some of us ended up chasing it and doing everything we could to make it happen, yet marriage did nothing but become further and further away. Whatever the case may be, marriage is something that comes up regardless concerning women; after all, it's treated and hailed as an important milestone in our lives.
Unfortunately for some more than others, it may not be as easy to obtain. While there are some cases of being matched up with the wrong one (maybe that person was just meant to be a season in our lives), there seem to be a lot of other factors to take into consideration as well. Honestly, it would be so much easier if we just knew who our soulmate was from the jump or if we could get these things right the first time. Though, if things were that easy, maybe there wouldn't be such a high divorce rate and/or multiple re-marriages.
Let's look into some factors that could impact and/or hinder getting or staying married. If there's anything that you feel should be added or something that was overlooked, feel free to leave a comment below! I'm willing to receive constructive criticism.
Love vs. Fairytales
One of the reasons a marriage can be so tricky is because we constantly see how it is portrayed in Disney or other romances, and this is what some of us expect sometimes. In reality, there isn't a prince charming for us and there isn't a handsome, perfect man that will accidentally bump into us in the grocery store and sweep us off of our feet.
It sucks.
It really does, but it's true.
The world would probably be in a lot of trouble if we could all build and put into our partner what we wanted from the start. On one note, it could be perfect because we're getting what we actually want for sure and on the other hand, it could be bad because what we think we want might not be what we need. Again, it just doesn't work that way.
I will say, however, that love is hard and that love is work. I commented on this in a recent post and that is something that I recently learned. I heard it many times before, but it's just something that didn't really register with me until I had to go through a tough relationship. No, I haven't been married before, but when you start considering it and you're in a serious relationship or a bunch of things hit you back to back, it forces you to reflect.
Love and marriage aren't just about the good times and the fun times; you'll have tough periods and trials that you must try your best to overcome together.
The Mindset Behind Love Is Different
The world is constantly evolving and so are the people in it. Back in the day, once you got married, that was it. You were in for the long haul no matter what and divorce wasn't as widely accepted back then as it is now. At least that's what my grandparents told me. Sadly, it seems like divorce is just expected at this point.
Or at least, it seems to be a lot more common.
Plainly, the mindset seems to be that there's always a way out.
One thing I made a mistake about was assuming that my boyfriend had the same values as me. Of course, I asked him if he was dating to marry and he said yes, so we seemed to be on the same page at the time; however, the questions about marriage should really go deeper than that. You really won't know until you ask and/or go through it - whether or not it is successful or miserable depends on the work being put into it and the people involved.
On one hand, one party could feel like it only takes once to succeed while the other party involved could feel like nothing is working and want to give up. The way you think and your mindset seems to be crucial for both your relationship to succeed and your eventual marriage as well. I know it is very awkward to ask a bunch of questions on the first or few dates, but during that period when you're getting to know each other, it is far better to find out these things now rather than when you're already married.
A Lack Of Positive Examples
This could correlate with the above section where we discussed mindset because some men or women could come from dysfunctional families and unintentionally sabotage their own relationship or marriage. My grandparents on my mom's side are divorced and my grandpa, my mom's dad, remarried twice (eventually his mindset evolved). Then, on my dad's side, my grandpa and grandma aren't in the best of relationships either. Additionally, my parents divorced and my dad has been happily remarried for quite some time now.
There could also be cases where people's parents never really got married and that's completely fine if that's their choice and preference. However, I will say that I have always view marriage as the ultimate commitment and something that shouldn't be taken lightly. If you actually pay attention to the vows that you speak to one another, you are promising serious things; it's not something to take for granted or to be done in the heat of the moment. Now there are definitely some successful marriages out there without a shadow of a doubt, but the goal is to mimic successful marriages and avoid failed marriages and matches.
I know I probably made some mistakes in relationships or carried some baggage over; I don't want to pretend that I'm perfect by any means, but things could be different for all of us if we figured things out from the core and tried to be honest.
Married Too Young
Lastly, marrying too young can be an issue for some - but not all. My parents married young, they married right out of high school and they were married for more than 14 years, but everyone's story is different. Some people end up widowed or they actually make it decades despite being marrying so young. I also think it is possible to fall out of love if you don't know what comes with love yet, but I know that there are success stories out there of relationships and marriages working.
I just hope that one day I can have my own success story to blog and share - just in case there's someone losing hope in love. That's all I have for now! Leave a comment if you feel like I missed something.